First, thank you all for your prayers today. With Anna sick and other household things happening concurrently with today’s appointment, I was struggling to be positive this morning. Many prayers availed much peace, and I thank you for that.

I shook as I walked into the neurosurgeon office at Bronson. I truly have never felt more physically weak than I have the last 24 hours. I met with a steady stream of medical people before I got to meet Dr. Fabi. I was warned by the staff to NOT tell him I’ve been calling him Dr Fabi-lous in my head as I waited for this appointment. They told me they work really hard to keep him humble.

What they all did tell me is that he is a loved doctor, not just be patients, but by his staff. That he is a “good man” with a deep desire to improve the lives of others, and to be assured that being in his care and his hands and waiting for his guidance in how to proceed should be peace giving. The nurse practitioner I talked to just before Dr. Fabi told me that our faith was going to take us far, and that they wanted me relying on it. She also told me that Dr. Fabi is a man who wouldn’t be offended knowing he was prayed for. So please do pray for this man and his family! I knew I was off to a good start.

Dr. Fabi came in. He smiled, he was compassionate, he was kind. He answered every single question without a moment of rushing us. He laughed with us, and enjoyed our (sick) humor. He showed me my brain-and I do have a very normal looking one! YAHOO! Except for the golf ball between my cochlear (ear) area and the vestibular area near my brain stem. He respected that I had a nursing background but that I myself am feeling like a patient and talked to me as such.

Nothing about my condition has changed. It all remains as it did last week. I have a golf ball sized tumor, considered very large for this type of tumor, still likely benign and arising out of Schwann cells, and it has been slowly growing there quite a long time-probably a few years. It is necrosing and there is absolutely no other option but to have removal surgery ASAP. He told me that he wanted my surgery to be his only task for the day it is scheduled, that it is delicate, that it requires slow patience and steady hands, and he wants to be completely prepared for it himself. He told me that the probabilities of outcomes remain the same, EXCEPT he is skilled and wants to preserve all function that he can for me. Much depends on how much of the nerves are directly impacted by the tumor, not just the inflammation. He will likely have to leave a small number of cells in order to preserve some of my nerve functions, and I will be followed with brain MRI’s for most of my life. There is a chance it could return. But at that point I would be managed with radiation surgeries rather than this brain surgery.

One of the realities is that by my surgery date, November 29th, I will likely have ALREADY lost all of my hearing in my right ear. There is absolutely nothing that can be done to stop or save that, and there will be things to overcome related to hearing loss. BUT, he believes that at least within 6-12 months, I will have regained most of my other function back with some of those probabilities still possible problems. He just promises to do what he can to minimize them. After surgery I will be in recovery, and then spend a day or two in the neuro ICU at Bronson. I will be on a post surgery floor for a day or two after that before being discharged to home. I will do PT in the hospital and go back to Core Balance to get my strength and gait training back.

I continue to be called a picture of health. This *thing* is a blip. Nothing I did or anyone did caused this. It’s not genetic. This isn’t something my children have to consider for themselves. All parental units and offspring parties in my life are absolved of all responsibility. This is not from stress, or anxiety, or from having a bunch ‘o children, or from working and homeschooling, it’s not from using cleaners, not from plastics that store my food, and it’s not from lifestyle choices or behaviors or lack of exercise or poor food choices. In fact, all of those things or choices that I’ve already made in order to be healthy has made me a person of physical strength and by all accounts, I will heal well as a result.

I left Dr Fabi’s office really without new information, but what I did leave with is a peace that we are making the right decisions for this situation. I don’t like that I have to do this at all, but I now have a plan, and I feel like I can manage it. I will continue to be managed with medication until surgery day. Obviously, any other changes will require reporting to the ER.

I have more time at home to prepare the family. I can keep doing my regular activities of daily living as I’m able and with assistance. I’m now the proud owner of a handicap parking sticker. I will do normal surgery preparation testing. I can enjoy Thanksgiving with family and I won’t even volunteer to help prepare a single thing. 😉 I can work some of my business online as I’m able. The two shows Lydia and Peter were planning to cover for me can go without a hitch. I can homeschool from the couch. My boys can go to Haiti without worrying that I am not doing well at the hospital. Peter can finish most of the semester or at least make arrangements for his classes.

Tonight I’m going to rest. Thank you for continued prayers!