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Reflecting On The Every Day Beauty & Every Day Goodness In A Changing Season

It’s been a season for sure, and it’s good to be back! It is vendor show season again, and the busiest time of a retail person’s year. I am thrilled to be back at it, and at shows I had to cancel last November. I’m literally giddy with excitement. Tomorrow morning marks vendor event #3 for November! I spent many hours of my recovery in hopeful expectation that I would be able to face this month as normal! That I’m back at vendor shows is pretty remarkable giving the outcomes that I could have had after last fall’s diagnosis and myriad of other issues our family had in the six weeks leading up to my brain surgery.

In the past couple of months, as I’ve come up on one year of crisis overload, I’ve spent quite a bit of time reflecting on last fall’s traumatic diagnosis of a brain tumor that created gait imbalance conditions, facial paralysis, and single sided deafness. I’ve reflected also on a myriad of large and small things for which to be grateful since diagnosis day.

The Season is Changing.

seasons of life, changing, opportunity, recovering from trauma, reflection, inspiration

It’s been one year, and the sensations of trauma and fear that the tumor was growing back weren’t far from the back of my mind. Last month it was confirmed that the large cavern in my brain created by the tumor and its eviction is still healing, and I’m going to need much more time to finish healing. What was also confirmed, though, is that the tumor is not growing back at this time. Maybe next fall I’ll be able to face the “trauma anniversaries” with a little less fear and trepidation!

After my surgery last November, I spent a few months using a walker and in therapy re-learning how to be steady on my feet, and adjusting to what being single sided deaf is like. In the months leading up to my “one year trauma date”, though, I’d already been back working at vendor shows, doing online work, had driven to New England to be with family for a wedding, preparing freezer meals for our fall homeschool schedule, and had attended a couple of the Lilla Rose Regional trainings. It felt good to be doing “normal” things again, even if all conditions are not back to full normal. While they may never be, I’m grateful at least for “more normal.”

I love that my youngest daughter can play with my hair again! I missed her gentle touch and her “creations.”

Lilla rose hair accessories, bobby pins, hair styles, every day beauty, momming hard, chronic illness

To distract myself from some of the fear and trepidation of “what ifs,” of my upcoming brain MRI and neurosurgeon follow up appointments, I’ve found myself “testing” what more I can do physically that is like my “old normal”, or to try things I’ve never done before. For instance, over the summer we kayaked and rowed a boat, and i did the paddling. I was so grateful not just to find out I’m still capable and love it, but I’m grateful that I get to do it again!

September rolled around, and we were at the apple farm where there is a zip line. Realizing I’ve been granted a second chance, as a person who has never zip lined, I signed the safety waiver, harnessed up, and zip lined for the first time in my life, even though I myself wondered if that was such a good idea! Feelings of not knowing where your head and body are in space because of an impaired vestibular system might make zip lining an inappropriate activity, and even my neurosurgeon was a bit surprised that I had tried it. But I did, and had fun, and probably would even do it again.

In October, the hubby and I took a weekend away. Sleepy Bear Dunes weren’t too far away, and I’ve never climbed the sand dunes. I chose the longest one, the one we hear is most difficult, and had I not run out of water, I believe i would have conquered those hills and miles of shifting sand. Running out of water and getting dehydrated is a real cause for concern for me, so alas, I was not able to finish, going only half way to the lake, despite my will and perseverance to go further. Sometimes wisdom has to win the day. At least now I can say I have climbed sand dunes, and I’m prepared to try again in the spring with extra water bottles on board, and with stronger physical muscles and well being.

overcomer, peristence, every day beauty, every day goodness, gratitude, nevertheless she persisted, sand dunes, Sleepy Bear Dunes, Lilla Rose hair accessories, because of Lilla Rose, chronic illness, home business with chronic illness

I know this season of my life is changing. My daughters are older, and while they’ve been doing vendor shows and Lilla Rose business with me, they are wanting to pursue other interests. One is graduating this year. Since I am not able to do much lifting and carrying, setting up for shows is going to be more difficult. Expect to see me with a more online presence, working with blogging and influencers. Expect to see me mentoring other women in business who are at home and working moms, who are homeschoolers, who are volunteers, who have chronic illnesses and trauma to overcome, or who are facing seasons of life changes.

I get it. All. I’m walking those seasons, trauma, and chronic illness.

It is all still Every Day Beauty and Every Day Goodness.

One of the most beautiful moments of my recovery, just days after surgery and still in the hospital, obviously not at my best and definitely at the hardest and lowest points of my life, a surprise visitor walked into my room.To say I was stunned would be an understatement.

The owner and CEO of Lilla Rose, developer of the flexi hair clip, flew from warm, sunny California to Chicago, drove 2.5 hours to my hospital room in Michigan in snow and cold to spend a few hours of an afternoon with me and my family. This was during the busiest month of his company’s selling season too. And then he drove back to Chicago to fly back to California. I will always be grateful for this sacrifice of his time and energy and resources. He talked business skills with my children over lunch, visited with my husband, and took their minds off one of the scariest times of their lives too. John Dorsey, owner/CEO of Lilla Rose, is proof of Every Day Beauty and Every Day Goodness. And maybe a little Every Day Crazy too.

Seasons change. Life is hard.

We can choose to live in fear, in failure, in staying stuck, or, we can choose overcoming in Hope and in pressing on. We can choose every day gratitude and goodness in seasonal changes and hardships. We can choose community and collaboration rather than isolation. We can choose celebration of accomplishment in reaching small goals. We can choose a different path or the other fork in the road.

I’d love for you to choose the Lilla Rose fork with me.

Until November 21st. Every Day Beauty with Lilla Rose is proof of more Every Day Goodness with Lilla Rose. There is added bonus to signing up this weekend, so if you’d like to chat with me about that benefit, leave me a comment or a message below.

This is not just a low risk opportunity.

It’s a high benefit, every day beautiful, every day good one, of which I’m grateful to be a part. I’m grateful for continued long range vision and plan with Lilla Rose.

Even as my seasons change, the road is long, the hill is steep, and the sands shift, I’m thankful for the second chances to continue moving forward.

goals, opportunity, enrollment special, never the less she persisted, reaching goals, overcomer, every day beauty with lilla rose, loveleavinglegacy

I wonder what we’ll conquer next! I hope you’ll consider joining and growing with me!

Blessings,

Deb

Restoration, Renewal, & Hope: The Difference A Month Makes

Taken just five days after brain surgery, December 4, 2018

The scars on my forehead are gradually disappearing.

Forehead scars fading, January 3, 2019

My 8 inch-ish C-shaped incision behind my ear where a piece of bone was removed for surgery and then replaced with titanium screws is also healing. The muscles and nerves there do cause me some discomfort, and I’m having to be sure I’m moving and stretching by turning my head often enough to avoid creating strictures.

I need to keep my head on straight! Literally.

The hair behind my ear was clean shaven for the incision during surgery. The neurosurgeon left a layer of hair that adequately covers that scar. He shouldn’t quit his day job, but it’s clear he is good at what he does do! The good news is that my hair in that area is already an inch long. We’ll see what I do for a hair style once everything is healed, hair grows long enough, and I can return to my actual hair stylist. That is our friend’s, Michael at Identities in Kalamazoo, area of expertise.

I’m nearly off all pain medication. I’ve been off steroids for about 10-14 days. I am definitely thinking more clearly now that I don’t have a tumor, am not on steroids, and I’m going off pain medication. I’m finding myself less tired during the day too.

I’ve walked up to 3300 steps out on the road in front of our house with my bright red walker. There is one small hill that I call “you won’t own me” that does get my heart rate up and kicks my rear. Last year at this time I would not have even considered it a hill to be conquered. In doing my walking, I have put myself in great shape for the vestibular physical therapy I’m doing at Core Balance in Kalamazoo three times/week, an hour each time. And boy, let me tell you I leave there with rubber legs. I work hard. They are encouraging me to do as much as can at home, and that includes walking, grocery shopping, housework and homeschooling, but nothing that involves ladders.

I’m sleeping, and that is HUGE. It’s an incredible gift.

I still have facial droop and numbness. I still can’t blink my right eye, and if I’m not careful, could actually sleep with one eye open. I CAN drink with a straw and eat on my right side, although I have to be careful not to bite myself. I have hope that this will result in full facial functioning in coming weeks or months. While I was at Walmart the other day, I forgot that I need a straw to drink . I took a swig of Sprite and spilled it all down my front at the checkout. That is embarrassing, and frankly, this is part of a grief process that I am going through. Even though the people that love me aren’t noticing some of my limitations, I do. And they can’t be minimized to me. I don’t like scaring children when I try to smile at them, and can only do what looks like a grimace. Strangers can just be rude, and that is hard to take.

Keep your big girl pants on, Deb.

That’s harder to embrace than I realized it would be. And, often, my family receives the impact of my impatience, anger, and demoralized feelings. So here I am on January 3rd, trying to keep up the good fight and to keep faith. (2 Timothy 4:7)

January 3rd, the difference a month makes: forehead scars are lightening, less tired looking, inflammation reducing, same attempt at smiling.

Clinging to Restoration, Renewal, and Hope in 2019,

Deb

Real

Hi, Family and Friends. It’s been since December 5th that I’ve been able to update, and after a rigorous few days up here at Mary Free Bed in Grand Rapids, I thought I’d give a quick update.

I had a piece of my skull bone behind my ear removed during surgery, and I still have quite . a bit of brain and scalp swelling from that. I still have facial droop. Speech is good, though, and so is swallowing.

I am still really unable to handle visitors, and that is mostly because of the vestibular hearing loss and brain processing. I can’t handle more than a few minutes of talking at a time without severe exhaustion, and I can’t have competing noises. I can’t handle the television or music either.

At my initial arrival to Mary Free Bed, I was still a fall risk. I basically have done nothing independent of a nurse or patient tech until today since prior to surgery. I’ve been working with PT, OT, and ST all week and weekend since my arrival. There were many impairments pre-surgery, actually, that we were not aware were impairments until I started therapy here. What I’ve learned is that for every day one takes of rest prior to surgery, four days of therapy are added to the post surgery regimen!

I worked really hard at PT through the weekend, actually, and today for the first time am able to self ambulate around my room and to do self care. Until Peter is cleared for my safety, which he needs to be up here for, I am not able to walk halls. This would benefit me greatly and benefit my ability to go home, but I also need him to see what I’ve been doing for therapy so we don’t have competing agendas. I will be going home with some assistive devices, but mostly for when I’m running errands or doing PT. I will be doing therapy three times/week once home, and in an outpatient situation. I will be in therapy for at least a year. The surgical recovery is only what is up to 3 months, but brain recovery is going to take much, much longer.

The long and short is this: I’ve worked really hard these last few days, and as a result of that hard work, will get sutures removed on Thursday and will likely be discharged to home on Friday. I still need to keep a low profile for quite a while longer.

We still don’t have a radiation verdict.

The girls were up here last night to visit for the first time since prior to surgery. It was a hard visit. There are lots of “scary” feelings, and concerns. When they left, I was super homesick, though.

I miss my family.

God is good, and I am grateful for everything.

I am grateful to be here.

I’m grateful for healing, even if it is going to take a long time.

In the meantime, we’ve had a new well dug. Hopefully that will be fixed by the time I’m home. I’m uncertain of the communication behind this process. Peter is trying to finish semesters, the kids are doing school. We’re trying to keep a sense of normalcy when nothing is normal. And there are already a ton of appointments to be sorted through all the way through February.

My parents are leaving this weekend.

So that is my “real.”

That is our “real.”

Blessings,

Deb